A couple of months ago, the Washington Post challenged its readers to supply alternate meanings for any word in the dictionary. Some of the humourous ones included the following:
Coffee (n.): A person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj): To be appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.): To give up hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent (adj.): When you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.): To walk with a limp.
Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.
Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
LOL! Lovely stuff. :)